Permaneo Vox
by Bittersweet Mika
Summary: Pops used to say that you’ll never see the one that gets you. Proving once again that he has no idea of what he’s talking about. Rikku, about to die and still sarcastic.


**Title: **Permaneo Vox

**Spoilers: **None really, unless you don't know Auron's 'big secret'

**Summary: **Rikku, about to die and still sarcastic

**Rating: **T, some cursing

**Authors Notes: **Blame my girlfriend for putting this in my head when we were hopped up on Italian food and discussing death. Taste the Rainbow

**Feedback: **It'd be nice

* * *

Pops used to say that you'll never see the one that gets you. Proving once again that he has no idea of what he's talking about. I saw the one that got me. One of those giant flying wasp things that the Calm Lands were infected with. Nasty little buggers if you want to know the truth. Not particularly hard to kill. That is, as long as you have something or something that can **get** the damn things in the air.

Neither Auron, Kimahri or I were very adept at air born fiends.

This had proved to be a bad thing when we were overrun with the annoying things.

Because now I'm laid out with a two foot poison stinger impaling me through the ribs.

Which, let me tell you is about as pleasant as one of Brother's home cooked meals. And he once managed to burn milk so bad that it was scorched to the side of the pan.

We had to throw that pan out.

"I think I'm going to be sick again," I said. I meant it too, if my fellow guardians thought getting scratched by these things was bad they should try this.

"I don't think that's possible," was the reply I got.

Let me explain something about the Legendary Sir Auron: He was a big pain in the ass.

I mean it. I know that this whole world thinks he's the greatest thing since the invention of blitzball overtime but in reality he's stubborn, abrupt and just a tad bit arrogant.

Plus he totally hogs all the butter at breakfast.

"Tell that to my stomach then," I retorted, feeling rolling waves of nausea and clenching pain in my midsection.

"There's nothing left for you to vomit up," he said looking down at me.

See what I mean?

"Excuse me then, I think I'm about to dry heave again."

"Relax and your abdominal muscles will stop convulsing. It will help."

"Really, hadn't thought of that. But it's a bit hard with this oozing side wound of mine!" I yelled at him. Not the most mature thing to do I'll admit, but sarcasm is a wonderful stress relief tool.

I would have thrown something at him, but the stinger in my rib cage had pretty much nulled the movement of the right side of my torso. And that meant that my throwing arm was of no use.

And it was the perfect time to chuck something at him too, he wasn't even looking at me. He was facing the other way, in the direction that Kimahri had taken off in when we realized that if Yuna wasn't brought to me pronto I'd be spending my best years on the farplane.

"Don't yell, it will aggravate your diaphragm in your current state," was his next piece of sound advice.

I wondered if he could feel my glare in his back the way I could swear to Yevon (that is if I believed in him) I felt his when I said or did something that he thought was asinine.

Which, by the way, was a lot.

Not to sure if he felt my patented 'glare of doom' or not but he did turn around and face me. I swear that I saw him tense up when he saw me. I must have looked bad because he came over to me and did something I thought I'd never see even if I lived to see the Besiad Aurochs win the cup.

He laid down his sword, took off his glasses and sat down next to where I was sprawled on the ground.

I'd never seen him without those glasses. I think he slept in them but I couldn't be sure. I'd never seen him asleep. We usually kept watch together or he was just awake before I was.

"Are you feeling quite all right?" I asked him.

"Excuse me?" He seemed quite taken aback by my question. As if I had asked him how old he was when he lost his virginity or something else horribly personal.

If I lived through this, I was so going to ask him that. Just to see if I could get that look back on his face. It was kinda amusing.

"I asked if you were feeling okay?" I said slowly, half because something in my head was starting to thrash around like a wounded duel horn and half because I wanted to make sure he got the question.

"Shouldn't I be asking that of you?" He countered.

"Well, I could use something to drink personally. But how about you?"

"Rikku," he said sternly.

I cut him off though, "Well, I'm just double checking your state of mind. I've never seen you without your glasses. You even managed to hang onto them when that ogre threw you into Wakka and the two of you rolled down that embankment."

Anything to keep him talking. Conversation was good, it took my mind off of the pain.

"That is not precisely how it happened," he said letting himself be distracted.

"What ever you say Auron," I said. I never attached the 'Sir' to his name. No reason to let his head get any bigger than it already was.

He ignored me and pulled one of his gloves off before laying the back of his hand across my forehead.

"You're burning up."

It was a simple statement. But we both knew that it meant. Fever, and probably a high one judging by the fact that I was sweating like a team of chocobo wranglers.

"Well it is rather sunny out today."

Sarcasm is my friend.

But fever wasn't my only problem.

Let me tell you what this whole impaled but still alive thing is like. Pain, burning pain and lots of it. My entire torso was tender and throbbing. And hot pain ran up and down my spine. But the worse was the fact that we couldn't remove that damn stinger from my side. Doing that would just start massive hemorrhaging that couldn't be stopped with a simple potion. We needed Yuna and her spiffy white magic to make this better.

But while that damn spike stemmed the blood flow, it also allowed the fiends poison to keep leaching into my system. I'd overdose on it soon. And to make matters worse, the stinger was covered with a series of small bristles that helped it really tear into someone's flesh. I could almost feel my skin try to peel back from the intruding object.

Basically, I was screwed.

"This will help," Auron's voice distracted me from my thoughts and I watched him peel off his other glove before reaching into his side pouch and pulling out a potion. He slipped one hand under my head and propped me up just enough to pour the liquid down my throat.

The burning retreated a little and I began to breathe a little easier.

"Better?" He asked

I nodded, knowing that the potion had bought me only a few extra minutes. Kimahri needed to hurry.

"Hey, Auron?" I asked.

He moved his gaze from my injury to meet my eyes and I knew I had his full attention.

"I wasn't kidding about needing something to drink," I said, "Pop open that jug give a girl a break will you?"

Once again that shocked look. I never realized just how much those little tinted glasses helped hide his is expressions from the rest of us. Without them it was easier to read his face instead of just his nose and forehead. Which is what my normal view of his face was. Stupid collar blocked most everything, especially from my lower vantage point.

"I'm not sure that would be wise," he replied.

"Oh come on, I'm sure that what ever you've got in there will defiantly help numb this whole mortal pain thing I've got going on here," I said.

"I don't think it will."

"Look here," I said, leveling him with the 'I'm not backing down' look I used on Pop when I told him I was leaving Home and joining the machina excavation teams. "You can pretend that you're carrying around noting but chocobo milk for all I care. And if I live through this whole impalement issue I'll back you up under oath, but right now lets cut the crap and give me some of whatever high-proof concoction you have in there."

And to my utter and complete surprise, he unhooked the ceramic jug from his belt, uncorked it and once again propped my head up so he could pour some down my throat. It burned going down, but by that point I was grateful for it and swallowed happily.

"This never happened," he said.

"I'll take it with me to my grave," I said. Which was looking closer and closer.

"That won't be necessary," he said allowing me to settle again onto my back.

"You have the communicator right?" I asked. After all I was going to die for the damn thing.

He nodded and held up a small black machine that would allow us to contact the airship no matter where we where so Pop could act as our personal shuttle service.

"Lousy stupid machina," I said looking at it.

"It was necessary," Auron said, and I'm sure if it was the fever or not but for a moment he sounded softer and almost apologetic.

"I know," I agreed. And I did. After all, I was the one that realized that the Al Bhed messenger that had met us at the travel agency had neglected to give it to us. That in turn caused me to run off after the hapless man, being that he only spoke Al Bhed. Which made Auron follow me after Titus yelled that I couldn't go alone. Kimahri followed after a subtle hint from Yuna.

Good thing too, otherwise there would have been no one to run for the Summoner for help. The ronso ran much faster than Auron.

"You remember how to work it right?" Had to make sure that they wouldn't be stranded anywhere on the quest to vanquish Sin.

"Of course I do," he said.

"Just making sure. The others are still not to big on the whole machina thing you know," I said. I was beginning to feel numb. I didn't know if it was from the booze or the poison. But it made it easier to talk with out wincing.

"I did live in Zanarkand for ten years," he said, "They did not share Spira's view on technology."

"Good, then you keep your hands on that thing. I don't trust Titus not to loose it."

I had legitimate reasons for that too. That boy had lost more enhancements for his weapons and armor than the whole team put together. It was a pain to constantly revamp his equipment too. I tried to teach him how to customize things for himself but none of my lessons sunk in.

"How are you feeling?" He asked again. I realized that I had never given him a real answer to his original question.

"Like I've got a poison leaking spike lodged in my rib cage and my body is slowly going numb," I was a little bitter, but could anyone really blame me. I was dying after all. And it wasn't some nice quick death. It was drawn out and painful.

Auron just continued right on, "Are you seeing anything?"

"Huh?" Now I was confused. Or maybe it was the toxin finally claiming my brain. It least it would finally prove to everyone that I had one.

No matter what certain people maintained.

"Are you seeing anything unusual?" He asked.

"Now that you mention it, there's a line of kick-stepping chocobos just behind you and to the left."

"I was being serious," he said.

"So was I," was my retort. Keep talking, forget the pain. Simple plan, if I could stick to it.

"So there's nothing?" He asked.

I shut my eyes and sighed. Couldn't he indulge a poor girl's dying sense of humor.

"Look Auron, when you finally leave for the farplane you can hallucinate Seymour waltzing with a giant chimera for all I care. But since this is **my** death I'll see whatever I choose to before I go to meet my ancestors."

"I doubt that he knows how to waltz."

My eyes flew open at that, "I must be worse off then I thought."

"Why do you say that?" He asked.

"Because you just made a joke."

"I do have a sense of humor," he stated.

"Color me surprised. Now tell me why your collar is off," I ordered. I had never dreamed that I'd see so much of him short of stripping his body to get at a injury. Which I hadn't done, but Wakka and Titus had. They told me all about it one morning over breakfast while I was trying to fix Lulu's moogle. Not easy, they fight back.

Apparently, it was easier in theory to get the older guardian undressed than in actual practice. He'd started fighting after they got his chest armor off and in the end they left the tank shirt on.

"Easier to look down at you."

"Ouch, go right for the kill don't you?" I asked wishing that I could have gotten my father and brother's height instead of their ears.

"Simply stating a fact," he said calmly.

"You know, it's a shame that you're only showing this side of you to me now that I'm about to die. Think of how much easier the trip would have been if you'd just been snarky right along with me," I told him.

The numbness was wearing off and the pain was starting to take it's place.

"I doubt that would have be conductive," he said.

"Probably not," I agreed. "But my biting whit was lost on most of the others."

"Your biting whit leaves much to be desired."

"You never pull your punches do you?" I asked.

He sighed, "I never saw the benefit of it."

My father had the same bastard of a philosophy. I hated it. In my opinion it was just an excuse to cut out all your feelings and short cut around all the emotion that came with life. That pull no punches, take no prisoners, full steam ahead attitude meant that you were tough. Easier to survive in a place like Spira where the monsters could literally be right outside your front door and if you managed to get past that, Sin could still come and flatten you and everything you ever cared about in the time it took to run for cover.

But it also sacrificed all the little things that made life worth living. All the good things like compassion and tenderness didn't fit into to the 'tough love' way of living.

I thought it was the easy way out.

"Side effect of Warrior Monk brainwashing?" I cracked knowing that most Yevonites would be highly offended by my question.

"Partly."

I really wished he'd stop shocking me like that. It wasn't good for someone who's heart was better left in calm working order for as long as possible.

"Are you trying to shorten my life even more?" I asked.

"No."

"Then stop dropping bombs like that okay? It's not good for me."

We both fell silent for a minute. I wasn't afraid of death. Al Bhed are bred to accept death with life. Vital when you are exiled and hunted. What frightened me was what would happen after my death that I would no longer be able to influence. The things that I was supposed to do with my life that were going to be left undone or unfinished.

And the fact that with my passing, I was letting my people down. Arrogant, I know. But true. Brother had never wanted to even try to learn the lessons needed to lead the Al Bhed. All he cared about was how to fix machina, how to keep machina running.

Me, I learned how to keep not only machina, but people running. Not in the healing sense, but in every other way. The way that kept a nation of people together.

I'd been learning those lessons since I could stand on my own two feet had reached down to help up someone smaller.

And I was the last of my line. All my life I'd been told that there are dangers all over the world, but that my survival was needed. For things other than me.

And I had thrown it all away for something that my entire being was opposed to.

A Summoner's pilgrimage.

Man, was Pops going to be pissed at me.

Good thing I was going to be dead by that point.

Speaking of my esteemed father…..

"Auron?"

He'd been looking off into the distance, towards the travel agency. I didn't know what he was thinking about, but he looked deep in thought and almost peaceful in his concentration.

He turned back to face me, letting me know that I had his attention.

"The bracelet on my left wrist,"

"What bracelet?" He asked.

"The one on my wrist obviously."

"I never noticed a bracelet there before."

He sounded almost disappointed too. Like he had overlooked something important like where I kept the spare Phoenix Downs or how I like my eggs cooked.

And just so you know, I consider the second of those two much more important.

"It doesn't matter that you've never seen it. What matters is that it's there. And that after all is said and done it gets to my father," I said.

"It's important then?" He asked.

"Very," I was dead serious too, "It's this whole big Al Bhed succession thing. Was in place before we got all scattered and shipped to the four winds. And it got put back into practice after my dad became leader of our people. The ruling council insisted on it."

"There's an Al Bhed ruling council?" He sounded amazed.

I smirked. For all that Auron had been exiled from the order of Warrior Monks and considered somewhat of a rouge in Yevon society and pretty worldly about the other societies in Spira there where things that no outsider knew about my people.

And so far, during this journey. I wasn't doing a real good job of helping keep certain things under wraps.

Oh well, no use crying over spilled wine. Even though tears of pain were threatening to leak out.

"Only having one person in power is a dangerous thing. Power and wisdom don't go hand in hand. Better to have the wise guide the powerful," I said. It was an Al Bhed saying.

"I'm impressed," he said.

"We're not some stupid savages you know," I snapped.

"I'm impressed that you understand such a lesson at such a young age is all," he said lightly.

"Shut up and listen Auron."

It was his turn to smirk and he nodded once at me.

"I want to be burned, so make sure that you get that damn jewelry off before I go up in flames."

His eyes widened in shock. So he knew the practice. Good, then he'd know what to do. Al Bhed have no summoners. Therefore, no one to send the dead so they don't turn into fiends. The world had enough of them with out the Al Bhed adding to it because we refused to practice the worship of Yevon.

When one of us die, they're burned to ash. Simple, clean and easy. Small vials of the ashes were usually kept by the family. Something of them to hold on to. Something to remember them by.

"Yuna will never agree to that. I doubt the others would either."

"Which is why I'm trusting you with this. Make them understand. My father will need my ashes Auron."

He nodded once and leaned over me and picked up my left hand. My targe and glove were pulled off and he found the bracelet that I had kept hidden. Not only from them, but so that no Al Bhed we passed would recognize me as Rikku, daughter of Cid.

I knew for certain that I was going to die then if he was preparing to carry out my wishes. Auron was practical. No use in false hopes or trying to keep my spirits up. Things were going black and the others weren't going to make it in time.

"Anything else?" He asked.

"Yeah, find another way."

I was talking about Yuna and he knew it.

"I'm doing my best you realize," his voice was above me. I couldn't see to much anymore.

"Do better," I said harshly. I was dying, so no time to play nice, " I figure that if you took the trouble to come back from the dead to keep a promise to Braska, you're not about to let her throw her life away like her father."

I could almost feel his shock.

If you're going to reveal a secret, better make it a good one. Added bonus for the fact that it wasn't mine. If I was going, I could it least make a lasting impression on the person who was there to witness it.

Even if his time was limited. Unsent couldn't stay forever.

"How?"

"Guadosalam. What Seymour said. Plus the fact that you stayed with me when the others visited the farplane. I knew it wasn't the pleasure of my company that made you bypass the trip. Plus you take more damage than the rest of us and do it with out blinking. You recover faster too."

"You kept silent," he sounded amazed at that.

"Not my secret to spill. Although I'm surprised that I'm the only one who knows after that whole Jyscal thing."

"Kimahri knows. And I'm certain that Rin has suspicions."

"Rin's an ass. And kinda sleazy if you want my opinion," I said. I could hear my voice. It was beginning to sound a little funny.

"I always thought so," he agreed.

"You know, you're the first person to agree with me. Most people go on and on about how charming he is."

"I am not most people," he stated.

"Good thing too, otherwise I don't think we would have made it this far with everyone along for the ride," I said. I believed it too. Most pilgrimages lost people along the way. I could count on one hand how many guardians made it back.

Use your brain and figure out what happened to the others along the way.

"Hardly," he scoffed.

"Hey, no fighting with the dying lady."

"Anything else?" He asked. And I knew what he meant.

I could feel it. Hell, I was almost welcoming it. Better than this whole drawn out fiasco. If that stupid wasp was going to be the one to kill me, why couldn't it have gotten me in the heart and been quick about it. Because the potion had long worn off (it hadn't lasted that long to begin with) and it was getting to the point where I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

I felt them leak out of my eyes. I could feel my heart begin to speed up and my lungs start to burn. I felt like I was choking and burning and shaking all at one. I'd seen people die of wasp poison overdose before.

It wouldn't be long till the seizures, the slight shaking was starting already.

"No, I think that's it."

I could feel it now, once numb lower limbs were beginning to shake violently. I had seconds before I was beyond reaching.

"No last words?" His voice was thick. Pushing though the deafness that was falling.

"Life is always worth living. No matter what kind of life."

I just managed to get those words out before the tip of my tongue was almost bitten off by my own teeth clamping down harshly when the first tremors started to wrack my body.

So this was how I was going out. Not old age surrounded by family like I'd dreamed. Not in some epic battle like I'd hoped. Not in some accident or disease or Sin which is what I had most expected.

But seizing uncontrollably in toxin overdose. Overcome by blinding pain. Lying in the dirt in the Calm Lands on a Summoner's pilgrimage.

My life had been full of surprises. But of everything that had popped up in my face. This is the only one that I wish I could change.

I never believed in Yevon. But I had faith in other things. Family, friends, tradition (oddly enough), magic, Aeons and the Fayth.

And I was praying to all of them to end the pain when I finally let go and drifted off into unawareness.


End file.
